Q: What was happening in your life that inspired you to write this song?
A: "I wrote “Bad Thoughts” during a really confusing and emotionally complicated time in my life. I was navigating a major shift in a long-term relationship while my ex was unexpectedly developing feelings for someone else. It wasn’t really about acting on those feelings- it was about trying to understand them. I was carrying around guilt, excitement, curiosity, and uncertainty all at the same time, and writing the song was my way of making sense of all of it and processing it. When I write a song, it is like therapy for me. I need to get it out of my system.
Q: The title “Bad Thoughts” draws listeners into a conversation about inner dialogue we often keep hidden. What does the phrase “Bad Thoughts” personally represent to you, and how has your relationship with those thoughts changed since writing the song?
A: To me, “Bad Thoughts” aren’t actually bad- they’re just the thoughts we’re afraid to admit we’re having. It is human nature, I believe. The title is about wanting something you feel like you’re not supposed to want and wrestling with what that says about your relationship with your partner, your identity, and yourself. Since writing the song, I’ve become a loss less afraid of being honest with myself. Sometimes it just means something in your life deserves attention. For me, it was really taking a step back and realizing I wasn’t happy in my relationship. I still had love for my ex and cared about her deeply, but sadly we were just not meant to be together.
Q: Was there a specific lyric in “Bad Thoughts” that was difficult to write or record because it hit so close to home? If so, what makes that line especially meaningful to you?
A: “I take my clothes off and kiss you, but it’s only in my bad thoughts.” That lyric was probably the hardest because it captures the entire conflict of the song. It’s about the line between fantasy and reality- wanting something intensely while choosing not to cross that line. It’s vulnerable because it’s admitting something most people would rather keep to themselves. I wanted so badly to be intimate with the woman that I was having these “bad thoughts” about but also wanted to stay faithful to my ex and not hurt her. It was an inevitable means to an end but I didn’t know that for sure at the time. At the time, I thought we could work through it and we would stay together, but that was not what ended up happening ultimately. I never actually ended up with the woman who I was having these “bad thoughts” about but it led me to writing more songs for this album, becoming more and more honest with myself and then ultimately changing my life dramatically.
Q: The song captures emotions that many people experience but struggle to articulate. Were you intentionally writing something you hoped others would see themselves in, or was it originally more of a personal journal entry put to music?
A: It started as a note on my phone/demo song. I didn’t know would have so much potential. I wasn’t thinking “oh, this is going to be a hit song or single release” when I wrote it- I was just trying to sort through the emotions I was having. But I think that’s often when songs become the most universal. Almost everyone has experienced wanting something or someone they know they shouldn’t have or questioning themselves because of how they feel. Like I said, it’s only human and it took a lot of courage to admit it to myself and eventually break things off with my ex. It was amicable and we both felt that it was time to go our separate ways.
Q: Looking back now, is the version of yourself who wrote “Bad Thoughts” the same personal who’s performing it today, or has your perspective evolved since then?
A: I think I am the same person but I’ve grown and learned from my experiences and because of that I think I am able to be truer to myself.
Q: If listeners could walk away from “Bad Thoughts” with one feeling or realization, what would you hope it would be?
A: I’d hope they listen and feel a little less alone. We all have t thoughts we’re confused/embarrassed by or feelings we don’t know what to do with. If someone hears the song and realizes they’re not the only person who’s wrestled with those emotions, then I feel like the song has made an impact and I’ve done my job.
Q: Every release teaches artists something new about themselves. What did “Bad Thoughts” teach you, not just as a songwriter but as a person?
A: As a songwriter, I learned that the songs people connect with most are often the ones that scare you or you are the most nervous to release. As a person, it reminded me that self-awareness is healthier than self-judgement. You don’t grow as an individual by pretending difficult feelings don’t exist.
Q: Were there any songs or artists that influenced “Bad Thoughts”?
A: I was definitely drawing from a lot of the ‘90s alternative records I love. Artists like Liz Phair, Juliana Hatfield, and The Breeders all have this fearless honesty that I’ve always admired and thought was badass. Working with Scott Lucas and Blake Smith also naturally pulled the song further into that world sonically.
Q: Finally, if you could leave one message for someone who’s about to hear your music for the very first time, what would you say to them?
A: I hope folks hear a little bit of themselves in it. These songs come from very specific moments in my life, but I think the emotions behind the song and lyrics belong to everyone. If something in the music makes people feel understood- or even just makes them feel something at all- then I feel like I’ve done my job.