Pablo Valley
Q: "IT'S NOT REAL!" is your latest release. What initially sparked the idea for the song?
A: I’d been struggling with a panic disorder and derealisation (DPDR) for about a month. At the beach last summer, once the medication kicked in, I found myself humming the chorus melody. I quickly grabbed my phone, opened my Notes app and started writing lyrics. I recorded the entire melody of the song on the walk home from the beach and finished the lyrics, jumping around the kitchen island, before lunch that same day.
Q: What does the phrase "IT'S NOT REAL!" mean to you personally, and why did it feel like the right title for the song?
A: The title “IT’S NOT REAL!” captures both the derealisation and the sheer panic at the heart of the song. It’s also my favourite melody line.
Q: What was the most challenging part of bringing "IT'S NOT REAL!" from its initial concept to the finished recording?
A: Mixing the track was a real head-scratcher and took months to find the right balance. The songwriting and production came together quite naturally, though. I think it was weeks of pent-up emotion finally finding a release, and once the floodgates opened, there was no stopping it. But yeah, I always find the mix stage really frustrating, and doubts always arise. You just have to trust your ear, even if someone is telling you the mix is perfect (you know deep down when it isn’t). But don’t get too caught up in it, because otherwise you can truly end up mixing a track until the end of time.
Q: What story do you want "IT’S NOT REAL!" to tell?
A: The track places the listener in the active stage of a panic attack. I wanted to capture exactly what it felt like to have that first panic attack: the irrational thoughts and the impending sense of doom. For me it happened in a hotel room in Mallorca while on holiday. I vividly remember that feeling of, “Oh my God this is it. I’ve gone crazy forever. What have I done? They’re going to have to lock me up.” It’s such a novel and harrowing sensation when it first happens. That initial event also triggered a big existential crisis and a questioning of my faith, God and my Catholic roots, hence the nods to Jesus and Virgin Mary. That religious existentialism is a theme that pops up a lot in my lyrics and is a huge motif in my upcoming project. But most importantly, “IT’S NOT REAL!” is humorous and light. I’m singing the whole time with a big grin and a wink of the eye. I wouldn’t say it’s quite crying in the club, more like dancing at the exorcism. It’s ironic and upbeat, and that makes it all the more unsettling somehow.
Q: Who are some of the artists who have had the biggest influence on you creatively?
A: I was a huge Britney kid growing up. My older sister had the My Prerogative greatest hits CD, and we would blast it all the time. My mum had Blackout and Circus on iTunes too. As a teenager, though, I used to joke that I had a “holy trinity” of pop stars who had the biggest impact on my mushy brain. Those three would be Lorde, Taylor Swift and Lana Del Rey. I’m a lyrics-first kind of boy. The way those three women manage to fuse literal poetry with some of the stickiest melodies you’ll ever hear is insane. For this upcoming project, I was super inspired by Robyn, Oklou...the happysad bathroom-in-a-club feeling. I spent some time at nightclubs in Berlin, once I felt brave enough to return to the dancefloor after panic, and I remembered just how much I love a four-to-the-floor kick. I find its pulse to feel like panic and prayer at the same time, and that’s basically the whole rhythm of this next project. I’m just a fan of pop! I love pop music! Britney!!
Q: What inspires you creatively outside of music?
A: Music is a bit of a creative black hole in my life. It eclipses a lot of other things I could (and probably should) be doing. But in order to put in the hours writing and producing in my room, I need to live a life worth being inspired by. Lately I’ve been going to small-town outdoor fiestas back home in Spain. I’m always very inspired when I come home from London for the summer. London can feel like adulting in hard-mode. Not to say I’m not inspired by London–I am (shoutout Regent’s Canal). It’s just that when I’m home in Spain, I feel like a kid again, and what’s more inspiring than childlike wonder for the world? My family inspires me a lot. Philosophy too. Preferably when discussed with my friends over a café con hielo. I also love meeting people. I think we should all be talking to strangers more.
Q: What initially made you want to pursue music, and what continues to motivate you to create?
A: My dad is a violinist, and when I was born prematurely and put in the incubator for a few weeks, he would play Mozart to me in the hospital. My mum always says that it’s thanks to him that I have a musical brain: my first contact with the world was quite literally Eine kleine Nachtmusik. I started piano lessons when I was five, and I soon discovered a passion for musical theatre. At nine, my mum signed me up for an audition for a local production of Oliver. Neither of us had any idea I could actually hold a note. I ended up getting the part of Oliver Twist, which then led to a string of musical theatre performances for many years. However, I first discovered songwriting at 11. After a bad day at school, I sat down at the piano and wrote my very first song in a tiny blue notebook from HEMA that said “Live, Laugh, Love” on the cover. Since then, the best part of every day was coming home from school, dropping my bags at the door and rushing to the piano to write about whoever said something mean to me that day. I discovered that my rich inner life and overwhelming emotions could actually be channelled into something beautiful, and that I didn’t have to be misunderstood forever. I could be understood by myself and the piano. That instinct hasn’t changed since, really. I’m still motivated by that kid who felt so deeply that the only way life could make sense was through narrating it and creating his own meaning. There’s nothing I love more than capturing a feeling that hasn’t been captured before, so that anyone hearing it feels less alone in their experience.
Q: What is one thing you've learned about yourself through your journey as an artist that you didn't expect to discover?
A: Every new song I write is like a new country on a scratch map. I’m always one step closer to seeing a fuller picture of myself. Things that you wouldn’t admit to yourself out loud have the space to resurface and breathe when you write. There’s a song on the upcoming project called “Agnus Dei” that I wrote after I saw someone who looked like me at the gym, only a few years younger. He was there with his father, just like I used to go to the gym with mine. We even had a similar silver chain. When I got home, I wrote this song for him, as a warning, wanting to protect him from the pain and disillusionment I experienced as a gay teenager. Through writing it, I learned that I actually had a lot of unresolved resentment from my past that I hadn’t been prepared to face. I was only ready to see myself more clearly when I wanted to protect someone else. Oh, and I discovered that I hate mixing.
Q: How do you stay connected to your own creative instincts when there are outside expectations?
A: I’m fortunate enough to be in a position as a fully independent artist where nobody can really tell me what to do or where to go just yet. However, I will overthink my own expectations of myself. I try not to be my worst enemy. I trust that I belong and that my art is worth making. I like to remind myself of 11-year-old Pablo at the piano, feeling like he’d explode if he didn’t write. I always say that writing songs is not a choice for me. It’s going to happen whether or not I decide to pursue a career as an artist.
Q: Now that "IT'S NOT REAL!" is out in the world, what are you most excited about working on next?
A: I love “IT’S NOT REAL!” so much because it fuses a hooky pop melody with a story. But I’m most excited to release my debut project. There’s so much I need to release into the world first before I can move on to whatever comes next. I’m setting the scene creatively for everything else, building a solid base to develop from.
Q: Are there any dream collaborators, producers, songwriters, or artists you'd love to work with in the future?
A: I’d love to get in the studio with Erin LeCount someday. “I BELIEVE” is a beautiful mix of grit and spiritual questioning that resonates with me a lot. I think she’s supremely talented. In terms of producers, I’d love to work with Max Martin and Jack Antonoff. El Guincho and Frost Children are doing something really special too. I think Amy Allen is a genius writer. So many!
Q: What would you consider the next major milestone in your career?
A: I always work alone, but I would love to do sessions and meet more like-minded artists and producers. I really want to feel like I’m part of a big musical family. Releasing my debut project, for sure, though!
Q: Is there a particular dream you've had for your music that still feels intimidating to say out loud, but that you're determined to pursue?
A: My biggest dream is to become a voice for young gay men and to help destigmatise mental illness. I want to tell my version of the queer experience through music because it’s what I wish I’d had access to as a teenager. I grew up listening mostly to women because their perspectives often felt closer to my own. But the experience isn’t quite the same. I had to figure a lot of things out for myself. Nowadays, there are so many brilliant queer artists making pop, which is amazing. I just want someone from the next generation of queer people to hear a song of mine and think, “Oh...I know that feeling.” Alongside that, I really want to trust my own work fully. But a part of the creative process is sharing it and the reciprocity that comes from knowing people are connecting with it. You could genuinely spend your whole life waiting for a varnish that isn’t coming. Perfection isn’t real; emotions are, even if you’re not using the most expensive VSTs or spending 8 hours tweaking an EQ.
Q: Finally, if you could leave a message for someone who's about to hear your music for the very first time, what would you say to them?
A: These songs come from a primal need to create and to help people feel more understood. I extract so much joy and meaning from writing and making sounds in my room that make me feel more alive. And hopefully these songs make you feel more alive too. I just want to help others feel accompanied in life by the stories I tell. That’s it, really.
Keep up with Pablo Valley!
Instagram
Spotify